If You Only Knew

Sometimes we don’t know or understand why we do the things we do. Me, I can tell you some. It’s not what others want to hear but in my world, its truth regardless of whether you want to believe it in your own mind. I remember being told, “I used to think we were being bad parents but doctors told us it was you”. That stings. But the funny thing about it, I’m now 33 years old and I realize-it WAS you. I’ve taken enough basic psychology classes to know and understand many things about a young mind. Children only think with their cognitive minds. It has to be in black and white. There is no grey area for them. Either you love them or you don’t. Regardless of what you feel as a parent or what you believe in your own mind, it just doesn’t work that way for a child. So when you treat a child a particular way or act negatively, they only have one way to respond. This person doesn’t like me. Maybe they don’t love me. There are certain parts of my life that I have absolutely no recollecti...

In 33 years, I believe the hardest thing I've had to do is tell my son I failed. Not once, but twice. It brought me to tears. That look in his face; it was disbelief. Not that I didn't do well but that he KNEW and he saw how much and how hard I'd been studying. The time that it took from him and from the rest of my family; trips had to be cancelled, games had to be skipped. I sacrifice a lot. I keep asking myself is it worth it? Some days, I don't know the answer. Today, I wanted to give up. I thought about it. I looked at all the work that I'd been doing, all the studying, homework, reviewing, getting advice and info from currently nursing students; all this to only fail my second test. I don't want pity; I want to know why. What did I do that caused me to fail? I have the knowledge. I know the legal and ethics behind nursing. Ask me anything. I can tell you that when you give an enema to a patient, they need to be in the Sims' position. I know down to...