If You Only Knew

I was standing in the shower and through the frosted glass I saw his image in the bedroom. I smiled and sighed happily. It's been a week since he's returned home from Iraq. It's been an incredible journey for me, to say the least. I learned a lot about myself. I discovered how much strength I had in me. People have told me numerous times that "I'm a strong woman" but I just believed I knew how to survive in bad situations. Knowing survival and having strength and courage are very different in my opinion. I've always done what was necessary to get by in life. This was extremely different circumstances. For all intents and purposes, my husband went off to war. I stayed behind to take care of our family and our home. And myself. I don't know if this deployment changed who I am but I know it changed my perception of myself. I worked very hard at that. I worked hard on me, physically and emotionally. I expected to have to readjust to him being home. In mos...

This is how I spent my morning. He woke me at 5:30 this morning and I spent the next few hours in bed video chatting. Sometimes he'd look at me funny and ask me what I was doing and I'd say, "just laying here, looking at your face and listening to your voice..." and then he'd just smile and say "I love you". I miss my best friend. As I was listening to him talk, the slow realization started to sink in and my heart began to drop. He was there. And I am here. This sucks. I laid there for about 10 minutes, mesmerized by his tone and this feeling just began to overwhelm me. I didn't cry or get upset. Almost six months he's been gone and for whatever reason, it just now hit me. It became very real. He was "supposed" to be home in two weeks for his R&R. He asked me not to tell anyone and I didn't. He wanted it to be a surprise. We got word a week ago that it was bumped. So now we just sit patiently and wait for the opportunity to aris...

I chose to go through this deployment. I knew about it before I'd met Matt. I chose to love him completely and unconditionally, knowing that he'd have to leave me and our family behind. I try daily to stay positive but some days, it's a real struggle. One thing I do know is that this deployment has only made us stronger in many ways. We've always had great communication and it's gotten even better. We take absolutely nothing for granted. Every single second I get to hear his voice is priceless to me. I can't wait for my husband to come home but I will wait and be even stronger for it. I have found strength beyond what I knew existed in me. I've also found out who truly supports me through difficult times. Many people before this deployment were quick to say, "I'll be there" and later, when put to the test, came to fail. The most difficult moments for me, are ones people take for granted in their day to day lives. Cooking for him, doing his ...

Busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest. Understatement of the year. And my biggest blessing. It's been almost five months now. Summer flew by and I'm so thankful it did. I'd never wish away my life but I'd be all too happy for the next seven months to disappear by tomorrow morning. While most days are better, I did worry for awhile. My bad days were beginning to outweigh the good. I was very excited when school started, then marching band started and now I'm constantly busy and on the go. It truly is a blessing. It's also been six months since I married my best friend. It seems like yesterday we were just in Vegas saying I do. It made my heart a lil sad when I realized we've spent more time apart as husband and wife, than we have together. I keep telling myself it's only temporary and that he'll be home soon but some times it's just not enough. Night time is still hardest. I've found that I wait until I'm absolutely ...

It's been three months since he left and not a single second goes by that I don't think about him. It's not getting easier but just tolerable. We spent four glorious days together and I cherished every single moment he was in my site. Then he left again and he took my heart with him; he left his behind. I miss him so much. Some days, it's all I can do just to get outta bed. Then some days I can't get out of bed fast enough because he's not in it with me. I keep a pile of clothes in the bed just so something is there...so it's not empty. I hate it. I miss going to sleep in his arms every night. I miss waking up to his beautiful face. I miss every thing about him... My kids are my saving grace. If it weren't for them, I know that I wouldn't be able to get through this. My son is just amazing. He just knows the right moments. I'm so very grateful for the wonderful relationship we have. He heard me in my room crying the other day and ran in there and...

There has never been a worse feeling than waking up at 2am, only to roll over and your husband isn't there. This isn't the first time it's happened but for some reason, last night was different. Normally, it's waking up in the morning after having a dream and then seeing his spot empty. Last night was different because it was almost shocking. It was as if this last month had just been a dream and he was home all along. Sadly, it's reality. I knew when I met Matt that he was going to be deployed. Actually, I knew before I met Matt. One of his co-workers was dating a friend of mine. So when things started to get serious between us, I already knew what I was getting into. Or so I thought anyway. I've grown up in the military all of my life. Both of my parents were retired Air Force, my brother served in the Navy and many of my grandparents, unc les and so forth had served as well. Even my ex-husband served in the Army. And knowing everything that I know about the m...

Unforgettable moments Our first date-he stuck his head thru my car window and kissed me-that kiss changed me forever. Getting into the office in the morning to find a voicemail on my work phone from him-perfect day. Him locking the car doors just so he can come around and open my door for me-perfect gentleman. Me cooking in the kitchen and he walks up behind and puts his arms around me and whispers “forever” in my ear-breathtaking. Sitting in a parking lot during a storm, watching the lightening in the sky and listening to a romantic song-perfect moment. Having a bad day and him bringing home a card that makes me laugh until my stomach hurts-unbelievably unselfish. Sitting in a restaurant, just staring at each other and knowing each other thoughts-perfect love. This will last forever. This is the world that I live in now and I promise you, every single day, I thank God for my blessings. Especially him. These are the moments I live for and what I cherish most. I neve...