I enjoy the holidays. Not because of the gifts but because I always associate it with family time. I've spend many Christmases and Thanksgivings in Illinois with my grandparents. It's what I loved most and memories I cherish deeply. The first Thanksgiving Matt and I spent together, I took him to meet my family up North. They grew to love and accept him immediately and that was very important to me. I knew he'd met their approval.
Holidays get harder because of the distance and I can't always make it up there to see them. What's hardest is that I have family right here and I can't see them. I always wonder if I'll run into them at the store or see them in passing; how would they respond or would they even acknowledge me. Many times I've heard the phrase "you are not my daughter" and it just rips my heart out over and over again. Yet somehow, each time I allow them back into my life, I can forgive and forget those horrid words. My heart is a forgiving heart. More compassionate than most but I too have a breaking point. It takes a lot to get me there. Just ask my ex husband. Over the years, I've learned how to guard my heart and only allow a few people in.
Yesterday, I was watching a rerun of Judging Amy. It's a show I used to watch years ago and it became one of my favorites. In this particular episode, Donna was about to give birth to her baby. She has a very unconventional life and her mother does not approve. To give a little background, her mother reveals that Donna graduated in the top of her class, has an IQ of 173, but gave up her graduate school scholarship to join the Marines. Donna has apparently failed her mother (a country club socialite) despite searching for her mother's affection. She's quirky and odd and I like her role a lot. She has no problem with being who she is. Her mother is just the opposite and finds Donna unbecoming of being her "perfect child". I relate to Donna in many ways. As the episode goes on, Donna is giving birth in a pool (water birth) and her mother does not approve once again. Donna loves her and is completely forgiving, desperate to have her apart of her life. She wants her mother to be there when she's giving birth to her own daughter. At a point in the show, she walks outside to get some air and Amy's mother, Maxine joins her. She's applauded at the way Donna's mother is reacting. She admonishes Donna's mother when she wishes to "give-up" on her daughter, explaining that it's not an option.
I fought back tears as I watched. As a mother, I 100% agree. You do not have the option of giving up on your children, no matter what the circumstance is. Parenting is not a convenience. From that moment you give birth and for a lifetime, you are their parent. I cannot fathom ever turning my back on any of my kids. I watch how much they grow and thrive and my heart swells immensely with love and gratitude. I find it a privilege to be their mother and the best blessing in my life. No matter how trying it can be at time, I can't imagine anything more perfect. Regardless of how hard it can be, you don't give up. You just don't.
Holidays get harder because of the distance and I can't always make it up there to see them. What's hardest is that I have family right here and I can't see them. I always wonder if I'll run into them at the store or see them in passing; how would they respond or would they even acknowledge me. Many times I've heard the phrase "you are not my daughter" and it just rips my heart out over and over again. Yet somehow, each time I allow them back into my life, I can forgive and forget those horrid words. My heart is a forgiving heart. More compassionate than most but I too have a breaking point. It takes a lot to get me there. Just ask my ex husband. Over the years, I've learned how to guard my heart and only allow a few people in.
Yesterday, I was watching a rerun of Judging Amy. It's a show I used to watch years ago and it became one of my favorites. In this particular episode, Donna was about to give birth to her baby. She has a very unconventional life and her mother does not approve. To give a little background, her mother reveals that Donna graduated in the top of her class, has an IQ of 173, but gave up her graduate school scholarship to join the Marines. Donna has apparently failed her mother (a country club socialite) despite searching for her mother's affection. She's quirky and odd and I like her role a lot. She has no problem with being who she is. Her mother is just the opposite and finds Donna unbecoming of being her "perfect child". I relate to Donna in many ways. As the episode goes on, Donna is giving birth in a pool (water birth) and her mother does not approve once again. Donna loves her and is completely forgiving, desperate to have her apart of her life. She wants her mother to be there when she's giving birth to her own daughter. At a point in the show, she walks outside to get some air and Amy's mother, Maxine joins her. She's applauded at the way Donna's mother is reacting. She admonishes Donna's mother when she wishes to "give-up" on her daughter, explaining that it's not an option.
I fought back tears as I watched. As a mother, I 100% agree. You do not have the option of giving up on your children, no matter what the circumstance is. Parenting is not a convenience. From that moment you give birth and for a lifetime, you are their parent. I cannot fathom ever turning my back on any of my kids. I watch how much they grow and thrive and my heart swells immensely with love and gratitude. I find it a privilege to be their mother and the best blessing in my life. No matter how trying it can be at time, I can't imagine anything more perfect. Regardless of how hard it can be, you don't give up. You just don't.
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