If You Only Knew

Last night, I got robbed. You have played out different scenarios in your head, thinking you would know exactly what you would do in that situation only to find out-it doesn't quite work that way. It happened so fast, I didn't have time to react. And the thing is, I really wasn't scared. Shocked, yes. Pissed off, absolutely. I don't care how big and badass you think you are - unless you are trained for this type of situation, nines times out of ten, you will nut-up like a virgin seeing a naked woman for the first time. I did and there isn't much I am afraid of. No matter what scenario you choose, 99 out of 100 of those, I would have ended up dead, in a hospital or in jail. This one time, I walked away with a very bruised ego and a lot of heartache. My intentions were good but my head was in a completely different place. Where did I go wrong? Let me tell you... 1. I'm a female. 2. It was night time. (dumbass) 3. I was on a bad side of town. (it didn...

I'm not courageous and I'm not strong. I'll be the first to admit that.   I spent a large part of my life living in fear. I vowed that if I got out of my past, I'd never spend my life living in fear again. It took so much away from me.   In the last three weeks, I've felt more fear than I have in my entire life. I feel as though I am fighting for my own kids' lives. For all intents and purposes, I am. I love these kids as though they are  my own and I'd give up everything for them. Including my sanity.   I remember what it was like having no one to stand up for me. I didn't have a voice and what little one I had, I was too scared to use. No one asked me what I wanted. Never. No one cared, except for my grandmother and all things considered she was doing the best she could when I was with her. I want to give these kids the voice I never had. I want them to be able to speak up for what they want, to understand what life they should be allowed ...

You can't imagine the overwhelming amount of emotions that have surfaced over the last two months. I've felt things I cannot even describe. But above all-Love. This overbearing, protective, fight-for-what-is-yours kinda love. No, they aren't "mine" biologically. But in every other sense of the word, they are mine . I'll be honest; I had a lot of doubts about this whole custody thing. At first I just didn't think it was a good idea. For my own selfish reasons, I knew it would turn my life upside down. Some times change is difficult for me. Knowing that these two babies were coming from a different world of parenting was, by far the most difficult challenge. They only knew one way of life. Getting them accustom to a new lifestyle was huge, even for me. But if you've ever been in the same room with these kids for more than five minutes...How could you not fight for them?! How could you not want to give them everything life has to offer? Because they des...