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so far...

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It's been three months since he left and not a single second goes by that I don't think about him. It's not getting easier but just tolerable. We spent four glorious days together and I cherished every single moment he was in my site. Then he left again and he took my heart with him; he left his behind. I miss him so much. Some days, it's all I can do just to get outta bed. Then some days I can't get out of bed fast enough because he's not in it with me. I keep a pile of clothes in the bed just so something is there...so it's not empty. I hate it. I miss going to sleep in his arms every night. I miss waking up to his beautiful face. I miss every thing about him...

My kids are my saving grace. If it weren't for them, I know that I wouldn't be able to get through this. My son is just amazing. He just knows the right moments. I'm so very grateful for the wonderful relationship we have. He heard me in my room crying the other day and ran in there and just hugged me until I stopped. He didn't even ask what was wrong. He just...knew. He's done that quite a few times. <3

Most days are good. A few bad ones sneak in from time to time but as long as I stay busy, I'm ok. I manage pretty well. I have a few projects going on to keep me occupied. Between my weight loss, quitting smoking, getting ready to start school...you'd think I'd be stressed. But really I'm not. It takes my mind off him not being home. My stepkids have been with me for the last two weeks and these weeks have flown by so quickly. I really just wanna get through the holidays.

My family and friends have been a huge support system for me. I've also made some great friends with other military wives and it's really great to talk with someone who knows my exact thoughts and feelings. Talking to someone who can actually comprehend what I'm feeling is somewhat of a relief. I know that I'm not alone in this struggle.

He was right...when we met, we had this deployment looming over our heads. We knew it was coming and it just seems like the last year was rushed. I take great comfort in knowing that when he returns home, we will have some peace and comfort for awhile. And that makes all of this worthwhile. <3
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