Skip to main content

being a good mom

By
I'm not courageous and I'm not strong. I'll be the first to admit that.
 
I spent a large part of my life living in fear. I vowed that if I got out of my past, I'd never spend my life living in fear again. It took so much away from me.
 
In the last three weeks, I've felt more fear than I have in my entire life. I feel as though I am fighting for my own kids' lives. For all intents and purposes, I am. I love these kids as though they are  my own and I'd give up everything for them. Including my sanity.
 
I remember what it was like having no one to stand up for me. I didn't have a voice and what little one I had, I was too scared to use. No one asked me what I wanted. Never. No one cared, except for my grandmother and all things considered she was doing the best she could when I was with her. I want to give these kids the voice I never had. I want them to be able to speak up for what they want, to understand what life they should be allowed to have and to be able to make that choice. So far, they want to stay with us. And for good reason. It is NOT about money. That, I can tell you is something I do not have. I'm not rich by any stretch and probably never will be. I'm blessed with what I have now and I take none of it for granted.
 
Kids don't care about money or what you can buy them unless you raise them like that. My kids know better. My stepkids do not and I'm going to do my best to teach them that life isn't about how much "stuff" you have. I have a lot of love and time. That is what they'll get. I give to all of my kids what I so desperately wanted and needed when I was growing up. That's not being strong or courageous. That's just being a good mom. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

every day

By
Sitting in the parking lot of Hardee's today, I turned my radio off and just looked around. I watched the numerous cars as they passed by. I watched clouds roll in from the rain. I just stared off, thinking about this place that I call home. It has been my home for the better part of 20 years. It brings me comfort and peace. I feel safe here. Growing up as a military kid, I never knew what home was. I hold on to that sense of safety and security but not naive to the fact that we do not live in a perfect world. Violence can be seen in the news daily; so much so that I grow tired of watching. It's depressing. This morning was no different. Senseless killing of innocent people has been happening in our world for generations. Why is it only recently that more and more people take notice? Because it's hitting way too close to home and people are beginning to realize that life is precious and cannot be taken for granted. Sadly, most people figure that out when it's too late...
Post a Comment
Read more

a real love story

By
I am going to tell you a story. It is a story of love, surrender and peace. There is a hero in the end. But there usually is, right? Right. Four years ago, I met this guy through a friend. I wasn't looking for love at all. Just a companion, a friend, someone to share with. After 13 years in hell, who really wants to look for love again? Not this girl. So this guy, he was pretty nice. A gentleman. You don't come across too many these days. We became friends, talking every day, having lunch and what not. As the days passed, I found myself falling in love. I was scared. Neither of us wanted to get married again and we certainly weren't looking for anything long term. But as the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes, God has better plans for us. I remember the day I told him I was in love with him. It is still fresh in my mind. It was night time and we were standing on the front porch having a cigarette. I debated on whether I should tell him or not. ...
3 comments
Read more

my greatest accomplishment

By
If I ever become a statistic, the odds will always be in my favor. I’m a stubborn girl. I always have been and always will be. I buck the system every chance I get because I have always wanted to be outside of the norm. Normal is overrated. I am the odd ball, the loner and the awkward one. I’m perfectly okay with that. I’ve always had big dreams for my little boy but most importantly, I just wanted him to succeed at life. I prayed for him from the day he was born that he would become great and wonderful and every single moment that passes with him, my prayers have been answered. You probably think I boast and brag on him too much. So what? What mother isn’t prideful of her children? But you have to understand the journey. Me and that kid have been through so much together. He saved my life. Most of you know my story. I left home at the end of my junior year in high school, three months later, I got knocked up and I lived with a friend until three months after Nathaniel wa...
Post a Comment
Read more