Skip to main content

Does it get easier?

Image
By
I never knew I could miss someone so much.

And it's not the big things I miss. It's the little things. Like laying in bed on Sunday morning, wrapped up in each other, listening to each other breath; sitting on the front porch, listening to birds chirp and taking in every single second; curled up on the bed watching movies together and folding laundry. Or even listening to music together, talking about the songs we like.

My heart aches. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I go through the motions each day, trying to keep my mind occupied so that I don't think about it much. I try to tell myself that he's just at work and he'll be home. But when I walk in that door at the end of the day, it hits me hard...he's not coming home tonight.

I don't do countdowns. It makes it even harder. It seems to drag out even longer if I try to count how many days til he comes home. And the weekends are harder because my kids are gone so I'm home alone. That is the worst. The silence drives me crazy so I keep the music playing in the house so it doesn't feel so empty.

I know that I will get through this. I have to, for him. I know this in my mind but my heart still feels that emptiness. I wonder if it ever gets any easier.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

every day

By
Sitting in the parking lot of Hardee's today, I turned my radio off and just looked around. I watched the numerous cars as they passed by. I watched clouds roll in from the rain. I just stared off, thinking about this place that I call home. It has been my home for the better part of 20 years. It brings me comfort and peace. I feel safe here. Growing up as a military kid, I never knew what home was. I hold on to that sense of safety and security but not naive to the fact that we do not live in a perfect world. Violence can be seen in the news daily; so much so that I grow tired of watching. It's depressing. This morning was no different. Senseless killing of innocent people has been happening in our world for generations. Why is it only recently that more and more people take notice? Because it's hitting way too close to home and people are beginning to realize that life is precious and cannot be taken for granted. Sadly, most people figure that out when it's too late...
Post a Comment
Read more

surrender

By
I spent a better part of my life worrying over events of the past that I had absolutely no control over. Because that's who I was. Or at least that's who I defined myself as. A control freak. At age 32, it took that span of my life to realize I cannot control what other people do. Or how they react to situations. Or how they treat you as a person. I once saw a quote that stated, "How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours". It clicked with me. Revelations come to me at the most unusual times. Yesterday was one of those times. I was driving home from school and all of a sudden, the thought of my mother popped in my head. For so long, I was jealous of other women and girls who had such wonderful mother/daughter relationships. I wanted that so badly for myself but was never able to get there. And as I struggled to get through this week, I couldn't help be think "anyone else's mom would be comforting and supportive." I haven't hea...
1 comment
Read more

a real love story

By
I am going to tell you a story. It is a story of love, surrender and peace. There is a hero in the end. But there usually is, right? Right. Four years ago, I met this guy through a friend. I wasn't looking for love at all. Just a companion, a friend, someone to share with. After 13 years in hell, who really wants to look for love again? Not this girl. So this guy, he was pretty nice. A gentleman. You don't come across too many these days. We became friends, talking every day, having lunch and what not. As the days passed, I found myself falling in love. I was scared. Neither of us wanted to get married again and we certainly weren't looking for anything long term. But as the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes, God has better plans for us. I remember the day I told him I was in love with him. It is still fresh in my mind. It was night time and we were standing on the front porch having a cigarette. I debated on whether I should tell him or not. ...
3 comments
Read more