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just me

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It makes me very sad when I realize that people I’ve known for years really have no idea WHO I am. It changes their view of me. So then I can’t help think-why? After all the time you’ve been a part of my life, how do you NOT know? Ignorance? Rose colored glasses maybe? Or just too wrapped up in your own world? So here is the skinny about me.

I am VERY outspoken. I was not when I was a child and I believe that is why I am now. Believe it or not, I used to be extremely shy. I was also too scared to speak.
I have a very crude sense of humor.
Sometimes, I have a perverted mind. Okay, most times. Don’t judge me.
There are times I just don’t care about your problems. I have my own.
I don’t always want to be your shoulder to cry on.
I keep a lot of my emotions bottled up inside. I prefer it that way.
I have a mean streak at times.

These are the ugly parts of me. Most people won’t admit they probably feel the same way too. I can’t be a freakin’ ray of sunshine every day and I don’t always want to be. That does NOT make me a bad person. It makes me human. I’m sorry if you choose to ignore these character flaws but do not act surprised if I say something that is not so PC.
I don’t want people to see the bad in me and on any given day, you won’t. The problem I seem to have is that when I am having one of those bad days, people don’t know how to take me. Or they get butt hurt if I all but say “just leave me alone, today”. But you know what? I’m allowed to have those kinda days. For a long time, I believed that I could not because it was selfish if I did. It all leads back to that “keeping emotions inside”. There are times, I simply cannot. All I ask for is some space. It might take a day or two, but I promise I’ll rebound.
Don’t be so quick to judge me if I call someone a dumb blonde. Guess what? I think it’s pretty funny. That doesn’t mean I’m a bully or that I should ever be compared to one.  There are a lot of intimate details 95% of my friends don’t know about. My crude sense of humor is my way of dealing with them. So sue me. And if my bad past makes you realize you can’t be a part of my life, so be it. You shouldn’t have been a part of it to begin with. Show me how perfect you are and then we can talk.
The ugly part of me doesn’t change my heart or my character. I’d give the shirt off my back if I were able to. I spend 99% of my day doing for others or thinking of others and what I can do for them. You don’t know what goes on in my head and I’m not always going to tell you.
If you really want to know the truth-just ask my kids. 

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