changes are coming

Four years ago, Trevor and Savanna came to live with us, to start a new life. One that we’d hoped would be fruitful and blessed. Our lives changed in every aspect over that four year period. We all grew in different ways. Some for the best and some, not so much. But overall, it was for the betterment of both of them and we saw great improvements over those four years.

Last year, one simple mistake changed everything. July of last year during summer football camp, Trevor got caught with a pocket knife. He didn’t think anything of it because he always carries it, just like any other young man in Alabama. He didn’t think about it being a school function and honestly, who would? He had no intentions of harming anyone at all. Mind you, Trevor had come so very far in four years. He was making straight A’s, taking Honors classes, playing football and well on his way to making huge changes for his future. We could not have been more proud. The Autauga County School Board decided they needed to make an example of him. You see, the school has a zero tolerance policy. So instead of looking at Trevor’s history at Marbury and seeing what an exceptional student he was, they just decided to throw the book at him in every way they could. He was the only student who actually fought against the Board. The other students involved in this incident just folded and moved on to other schools. We did not have that option, so we fought it. Sadly, we lost and we lost in so many ways. Not only was he expelled from school for one calendar year, he lost his chance to ever play football again; a game he loved dearly and was successful in. This began a drastic decline for Trevor in ways we were unprepared for.

Private school was not an option due to finances and most that we spoke to would not accept him anyway. Magnets schools also rejected him, as did other local counties who choose to honor the disciplines of like schools, regardless of the circumstances. Our only option was online schooling; basically being home schooled. We were optimistic at first, because we felt it gave Trevor the opportunity to advance quickly. He started out doing very well and he was moving through his classes at a rapid rate! We actually thought he would graduate early! But as time went on, he got bored. He got frustrated. He was basically a prisoner in his own home. He wasn’t allowed anywhere near any school functions so if we went to do something with McKenzie, he wasn’t allowed to attend. All but one of his friends had abandoned him. We tried to get him out of the house as frequently as we could but it still wasn’t enough to ease his frustrations. Trouble began at home and things quickly went downhill from there.

Between our frustration and Trevor’s, we realized our only option was to allow Trevor to move back to Virginia to live with his mother, providing him to the chance to get back in public school and play football again. He wasn’t going to thrive and grow any other way. Imagine the hurt and anger and frustration… having taken Trevor from his home in Virginia, to better his life with us in Alabama, only to undo everything we’ve done for him in the last four years. It has been a crushing blow to our souls. We have constantly questioned our parenting, we have beat ourselves up over and over and over. The emotions have run thick in the last month.

Raising teenagers is hard. The understanding that they don’t have the same mindset as an adult and vast thought processes and parts that haven’t developed yet. Most parents don’t realize that kids are not capable of thinking as we do. Most adults don’t realize that either. So having a zero tolerance policy isn’t always the best option. There is always an exception to the rule. Trevor is and has always been that exception and it’s a shame that out of all the kids they needed to make an example of, it was him they chose. In my mind, I blame the school faculty and board for undoing everything we did in four years; for not understanding what we went through just to get him here to us; for not having a more forgiving heart and mind.

I pray. I pray every waking moment that this choice was the right one. I pray that in the four years he spent with us, he will take a piece of us with him and remember all that we’ve taught him. I pray he will take God with him and know that God has a plan and a path for him. I pray he will know and understand that this is not a punishment but a continued improvement on his life. An opportunity for a second chance.

We made the decision not to separate Trevor and Savanna. When Savanna finishes this school year, she will go with her mother as well. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers as we continue this transition.