Skip to main content

12/22/2010

Image
By
The true reality of my divorce hit me this morning when I looked up at the phone and saw today's date. Tomorrow would have been the 12th anniversary of my marriage. While I have no regrets in my decision, it's still a tough pill to swallow...

I've known my ex since I was 14 years old. That's a long time. Some days, I still feel like I failed somewhere. I'd like to believe that I gave 100% but honestly, I can't say I did. Some things just aren't meant to be. I won't say that I regret all those years we were together. A lot of good came from that relationship. Most importantly, my two amazing kids. While there were many struggles, tears and broken hearts, I learned a lot. I found out who I was along the way and how much strength I truly had. And I found God. Many, many time, I believed my prayers fell on deaf ears but now looking back, I see why everything happened the way it did. Could I have done things differently? Sure. Would I have? Maybe. Does it matter? Nope. Everything happens for a reason...

I used to say that I felt as though I'd wasted 13 years of my life but truthfully, I did not. I have a lot of good memories and for the sake of my kids, I'll hold those memories close. I wish things were different though. I had hopes that as adults, we would have been able to walk away from this peacefully but unfortunately, it just hasn't worked out that way. Sure, divorce isn't supposed to be happy but maybe I set my hopes a little too high in this case. Now, I just pray for civility.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

something dependable

By
Some days it's just not enough to say I love you. I love my friends and family. I try hard to be good to those I love and cherish because its what God asks me to do. I've always tried my best to be a good friend but some days, I think I suck at it. Some days it's hard. It takes alot out of me to be there for someone else when I'm struggling just as much as they are but most days, no one ever knows it. They don't know what it does to me, knowing my 13 year marriage failed. They don't know what it's like raising two kids alone, especially when one is a teenager. They don't know what it's like to struggle to raise a family on a single income, not knowing where the next meal might come from. No one knows the inner turmoil I battle on a daily basis and that the only one I have to turn to...is myself. And God. I smile on the inside but there are days I wanna cry for hours but I can't. I like being the one people depend on, but who do I have to depend o...
1 comment
Read more

a real love story

By
I am going to tell you a story. It is a story of love, surrender and peace. There is a hero in the end. But there usually is, right? Right. Four years ago, I met this guy through a friend. I wasn't looking for love at all. Just a companion, a friend, someone to share with. After 13 years in hell, who really wants to look for love again? Not this girl. So this guy, he was pretty nice. A gentleman. You don't come across too many these days. We became friends, talking every day, having lunch and what not. As the days passed, I found myself falling in love. I was scared. Neither of us wanted to get married again and we certainly weren't looking for anything long term. But as the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes, God has better plans for us. I remember the day I told him I was in love with him. It is still fresh in my mind. It was night time and we were standing on the front porch having a cigarette. I debated on whether I should tell him or not. ...
3 comments
Read more

My friend, Kym

By
I met Kym a few years ago through a writing group I had joined. She had just moved here from Texas. The first time we met, we had lunch at Burger King. Later, we were reintroduced through a job I had taken with the Montgomery Advertiser. Since then, we've become pretty close. Whether she knows it or not, Kym is a huge inspiration and role model. She has become one of my closest friends and also my biggest encourager; next to my husband, of course. Her strength and encouragement has made me strive to be a better, healthier woman. I gained a lot of weight in my previous marriage and I've always had some excuse or another why I didn't need to lose it. I've watch Kym over the last few years and I've seen the obstacles she's overcome. She has made tremendous strides in her life and I look to that for my own strength at times. Seeing her push past everything that has tried to stand in her way only encourages me to push myself harder and harder to become the woman I wa...
3 comments
Read more