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I've never had many friends growing up and even now. I am what you'd call a loner, I suppose. I have a difficult time trusting people and even more difficult time socializing. It is just not my thing. I prefer small, intimate scenes and get togethers. I guess that's one reason I've never been big into bars and dives. I like loud music in my car or when I'm at home cleaning house, not when I'm enjoying a drink and the room is full smoke and we can't hear ourselves think much less talk. Nope, I'm a homebody. I'd rather travel and visit nice places.
Anyway, back to friends. For me, if I call you my friend, it is a pretty big deal. Yes, I'm 33 years old and this is how I feel. It is not childish, it is important. Relationships (friendships) help you grow as a person and you learn things about yourself and others. Some of my friends I even call family. That is how close we are.
I have this "idea" of what a friend should be. Here are my thoughts about that:
1. Trustworthy-there is a reason this is number 1. I doubt that I need to explain.
1. Honest-No, this isn't a mistake. They go hand in hand. I expect honesty and trust. So if I come to you with a problem or a secret, you better keep your mouth shut. I assure you, you will get the same in return. I've been known to gossip. I'll admit it. But if you say "Please don't..." you can rest assure, it won't go any further than my ears. It is safe to say "if you can't repeat it to someone's face, don't say it at all". I've been called out on this and I came totally clean. It sucks when you lose a friend because you talk too damn much. One of my motto's is "Don't ask me a question you don't wanna know the answer to".
2. Loyalty-If you know anything about me, this is right up there with trust. I expect the same in return.
3. Dependable-if you need me and there is nothing of the utmost urgency going on-I'm gonna be there. Whether it is a phone call, text message or just driving to town for a cup of coffee. Yes, I am also that girl that will drop everything and come. I've been known to do it a time or two.
4. Good listener (attentive maybe?)-Sometimes I just need to vent. I don't ask for a lot of advice. I'm pretty good at figuring things out on my own. I'm great for a shoulder. I'm not gonna give you any advice unless you ask. But I'm a great listener. I only ask for the same in return. It takes a lot for me to break down and vent. I'm one who usually bottles things up inside until I blow. Believe it or not, as emotional as I am, I'm not so great when it comes to talking about my feelings.
5. Supportive-You might not always agree with my choices but I do expect you to support them. You are welcome to tell me why you don't agree and I'll give my feedback in return. Sometimes I've overly emotional and not in the best position to make sound decisions. I'm totally cool with that. Also remember, my decisions are MINE. I'm the one who has to live with it, mistake or not.
Off the top of my head, those are the most important. Here is what I will not tolerate:
I'm not your door mat.
I'm not a yoyo.
I'm not a convenience. You don't get to be my friend only when it benefits you. This road goes both ways, Jack.
I think one of the biggest kicks in the gut is when someone tells you that you are only an acquaintance to them when you think of that person as a friend. They've decided they no longer need you in their life because you are of no use to them. This recently happened and it hurts. As an adult, that bothers me. I guess lack of communication could have been the problem but at this point, I'm still scratching my head.
I am a good person. I am a good wife, a good mother and a good friend. I expect to be treated as such and I don't think that is too much to ask. I will gladly reciprocate. But don't expect me to blow up your phone every day when you don't give me a second thought or you only need me when things are going wrong. "Misery loves company"..but I don't. I am a positive person. I like being surrounded by positive people. It just makes me happy, happy, happy! :)
Have a great week!
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