Matt and I believe we knew each other in our past lives. No, it is not crazy. We also believe we will be together again in our future lives, whatever they may be. Why? We are pretty close. Close as in, we finish each others thoughts or sentences, we constantly say what the other is thinking or feeling. He thinks it and then I turn around and actually say it. We have so much in common. We like the same music, we like the same foods...you get what I'm saying. We are as close as two people can be without being related. Believe it or not, we've joked about that too. Huth (my mother's maiden name) and Hust...NO, we are not related. But it does seem pretty damn close.
So I preface with that to go into my thoughts from earlier. I was on my way home from Publix, thinking about the kids and I think to myself, "In my next life, I wonder if I could do things right...maybe different. Having a good relationship and career first and then maybe kids." But who is to say what's right and what's wrong? I just did was is different.
Think back to the beginning of what we know in history. Indians were married at young ages or promised to another before they turned 18. In the 1800s, it was the same. Women were having children at ages 14, 15 and 16. Who said that was wrong then? It was normal; it was the "thing" they did. Women didn't get much education and rarely did you see them having a career. If they knew how to read and write, that was a lot! Women were known for the typical roles of taking care of the home and having babies. They started early. Was it right or wrong? Does it matter? It worked for them and they went on with life.
Fast forward to today. If you have sex before marriage, you are a sinner. If you live together before marriage, you are going to hell. And you certainly don't have kids before you're married! God forbid! This is the typical mindset not only in the South but across the US. It is taboo to have children out of wedlock. Yet, MTV and ABC have no problem glamorizing teenage pregnancy on their reality shows. Like, it's the best thing ever!
So which is it? Is it bad or good?
Why does it have to be either?
I was a teenage mother. I would not glamorize it then nor would I glamorize it at age 33. There is nothing glamorous about being a mother at any age, period. So you can throw that thought out the window. Being a mom is hard work. Like anything else, it has its ups and downs. But you know what? It makes you better and stronger and it changes who you are as a person. A good mother will tell you this. While we might all have our own ways of parenting, one thing we know is being a mom is hard, no matter what age you are. Do I want my kids to be teenage parents? Absolutely not. I know what it's like. I drill it into their heads over and over and over again. It is more difficult to have children at a younger age. You lack education and finances. But every single person, regardless of age, who brings a child into this world starts out just the same: Dumb. Whether you are 16 or 35, you know exactly the same thing about raising a child-NOTHING. Nada.
Teenagers are even dumber. No, really. They are. They lack certain functions because their brains are not fully developed. In fact, it's not fully developed until around age 22 and sometimes even later. So add being a dumb teenager to trying to raise a baby? Yeah, it doesn't work too well. But I'm stubborn and I'm a rebel. I was determined in life that I would not become a statistic. I grew up fast. Sometimes I think too fast.
So I had my kid, graduated from high school and started working. I got married when I was 19. Big mistake. The only good thing to come out of that marriage was my beautiful daughter. Fact. It has been a struggle. I'm not even gonna lie. At one point, I was living out of a homeless shelter off Bell St with my kid. It was bad. I was not going to let this life get the best of me. I always felt like I had something to prove, either to myself or my parents. Mostly-myself. I needed to know that I could do what society said I'd never do. Succeed. From where I'm standing now, I'm pretty damn close. My last goal in life is to graduate college and as of December 16, 2013, I'm right on track.
There is no guide or book that gives us the answer to life. Not everything is black and white. Crime is wrong. Illegal drugs are wrong. Murder is wrong. Having a baby at 17? Maybe a little gray. What you choose to do after that point is entirely up to you. You either let it make you stronger and better or you become the statistic. At that point, that is when you decide if it was right or wrong. For me, it was 100% right. I wouldn't change a thing.
So maybe in my next life, I can just skip the stupid ex husband and just go to the right one first?! Maybe! ;)
So I preface with that to go into my thoughts from earlier. I was on my way home from Publix, thinking about the kids and I think to myself, "In my next life, I wonder if I could do things right...maybe different. Having a good relationship and career first and then maybe kids." But who is to say what's right and what's wrong? I just did was is different.
Think back to the beginning of what we know in history. Indians were married at young ages or promised to another before they turned 18. In the 1800s, it was the same. Women were having children at ages 14, 15 and 16. Who said that was wrong then? It was normal; it was the "thing" they did. Women didn't get much education and rarely did you see them having a career. If they knew how to read and write, that was a lot! Women were known for the typical roles of taking care of the home and having babies. They started early. Was it right or wrong? Does it matter? It worked for them and they went on with life.
Fast forward to today. If you have sex before marriage, you are a sinner. If you live together before marriage, you are going to hell. And you certainly don't have kids before you're married! God forbid! This is the typical mindset not only in the South but across the US. It is taboo to have children out of wedlock. Yet, MTV and ABC have no problem glamorizing teenage pregnancy on their reality shows. Like, it's the best thing ever!
So which is it? Is it bad or good?
Why does it have to be either?
I was a teenage mother. I would not glamorize it then nor would I glamorize it at age 33. There is nothing glamorous about being a mother at any age, period. So you can throw that thought out the window. Being a mom is hard work. Like anything else, it has its ups and downs. But you know what? It makes you better and stronger and it changes who you are as a person. A good mother will tell you this. While we might all have our own ways of parenting, one thing we know is being a mom is hard, no matter what age you are. Do I want my kids to be teenage parents? Absolutely not. I know what it's like. I drill it into their heads over and over and over again. It is more difficult to have children at a younger age. You lack education and finances. But every single person, regardless of age, who brings a child into this world starts out just the same: Dumb. Whether you are 16 or 35, you know exactly the same thing about raising a child-NOTHING. Nada.
Teenagers are even dumber. No, really. They are. They lack certain functions because their brains are not fully developed. In fact, it's not fully developed until around age 22 and sometimes even later. So add being a dumb teenager to trying to raise a baby? Yeah, it doesn't work too well. But I'm stubborn and I'm a rebel. I was determined in life that I would not become a statistic. I grew up fast. Sometimes I think too fast.
So I had my kid, graduated from high school and started working. I got married when I was 19. Big mistake. The only good thing to come out of that marriage was my beautiful daughter. Fact. It has been a struggle. I'm not even gonna lie. At one point, I was living out of a homeless shelter off Bell St with my kid. It was bad. I was not going to let this life get the best of me. I always felt like I had something to prove, either to myself or my parents. Mostly-myself. I needed to know that I could do what society said I'd never do. Succeed. From where I'm standing now, I'm pretty damn close. My last goal in life is to graduate college and as of December 16, 2013, I'm right on track.
There is no guide or book that gives us the answer to life. Not everything is black and white. Crime is wrong. Illegal drugs are wrong. Murder is wrong. Having a baby at 17? Maybe a little gray. What you choose to do after that point is entirely up to you. You either let it make you stronger and better or you become the statistic. At that point, that is when you decide if it was right or wrong. For me, it was 100% right. I wouldn't change a thing.
So maybe in my next life, I can just skip the stupid ex husband and just go to the right one first?! Maybe! ;)
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