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what goes on in my head can be scary

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I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I get that and I am okay with that.

I don't have a lot of friends. I've learned over the years it is about quality and not quantity. I have found lately that I don't have the best quality of friends either. Maybe my standards are too high. Or maybe they aren't high enough.

It is easy to pretend like you don't care. I do it all the time but inside I am screaming like a mad woman about a million different things. I also realize I've become very bitter. My past still lingers and it terrorizes me something fierce.

99% of you have no idea what my "past" is and if I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. Doesn't matter. It still happened and I know it has changed who I am.

I don't hold grudges but I have a hard time letting go when I need to. I'm not a shrink so I don't know why.

I am going through an abnormal amount of stress in my life right now. I work full time, I've been in college for the last four years, I just took on two additional kids and between work, school, trying to graduate, in between jobs and trying to raise four kids and take care of my husband, I have every single right to lose my ever loving mind. I've come close. Yet somehow, by the grace of God, I've kept it together.

It is true what "they" say. You never know what someone else is going through. You should remember that.

Compassion is hard sometimes. I have always considered myself a very compassionate person but over the years, that has changed a lot. Sometimes, I really just don't give a damn.

I am vulgar at times, I have a foul mouth when I'm cranky, I am not a morning person, I have a twisted and deranged sense of humor. Some times I find funny, you might not. That does not make me a bad person. It just means we have different taste. Don't judge me.

I am not perfect. Don't ever forget that. The one person in this world who was perfect died for it.

Sometimes I have to say these things to remind myself that I am human. I make mistakes and I am ok with that. Maybe I write this so that I can learn to be more ok with me.

What few friends I have vary between bible thumpers and atheists. I guess that is what makes my friendships so amazing. I get a wide perspective on life and I love it.

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