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to be or not to be

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I am not a selfish person. It's just not in my nature. Even when I try to be, guilt sets in. A blessing and a curse, I suppose. To others, it is a blessing; to myself...well, you know.

I think it started before I had kids. I desperately tried to please others so that they'd like me or love me. As time went on and I started my family, selflessness became a way of life. I understood that as a mother, it was no longer about me anymore.

I don't set New Year's resolutions. I never have. I've always felt it was a way of setting yourself up to fail. So instead of resolution, I've set a goal. Semantics, maybe. I've actually set three goals in particular.

1. To lose 60 lbs by December. To be healthier not just for myself but for my family.
2. To finally graduate from college in December. It's been a long time coming.
Last but not least...
3. To learn to love me just a lil bit more. By far, the most difficult. That would require me being just a little bit selfish. That's a bigger feat that you know.

The first two are a lot easier than you'd think. I've lost 60 lbs before. I just need to get motivated and back on track. The last, well...all I can say is baby steps. To sit here and say "this is what I like/love about me, I don't even know where to begin. But this much I do know: learning to like/love myself more is the road I need to be on to become a happier me. One day, I'll look in the mirror and just smile.

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