Writer's Note: This is MY view and MY opinion. So before you go screaming that I'm judgmental and horrible, just remember that.
I write this out of concern as a mother. This is not to
criticize, or judge although I know it may come across that way. Please do not
be offended, as it is not my intent. Please just take the time to hear me out
and maybe get the perspective on someone on the outside, looking in.
I always feel guilty when Trevor and Savanna come to stay
with us. I look at my own children and see all that they have, yet Trevor and
Savanna do not have these same things. The biggest reason is because I have
taught my children that in order to have these things; they have to work for
them. They have to follow the rules and understand discipline. They are held
accountable for their daily actions. They are taught to be responsible in and
outside of this home. They are taught morals, integrity, value and character.
These are the rules we live by day to day. Life cannot be without these rules
or we fail as parents and in society. Trevor and Savanna come here believing
they do not have to follow rules or be discipline for mistakes that are made.
Understand that when I say discipline, I do not mean by spanking. My children
are held accountable; they are rewarded with good behavior and punished for
bad. Whether is means having a TV taken away, or being grounded, these are the
consequences they must suffer when they disobey the rules. I have high
expectations from my children and for good reason. My goal as their mother is
to make them productive and honest members of society once they leave my home.
I cannot reward Trevor and Savanna when they feel it is not
necessary to follow rules. They don’t like rules and they make it very clear
that they don’t have any at home. Trevor says he gets to come and go when he
wants. That would never be allowed here. Our world is entirely too dangerous
for that. Any number of possibilities can happen. I require knowing where they
are at all times so that if they end up in a dangerous situation, I can do my
part as their mother to protect them. Trevor does not like being told what to
do and his attitude every day shows that. Savanna rarely will look me in the
eyes when I speak to her and she acts as though she’s afraid of me if I say the
word “no”. She is afraid to ask her dad for anything if I’m standing there, for
fear of what I might say. She should not feel that way. I am not a horrid
woman, but I am strict and I expect certain things from my children. I treat
them with respect and will never talk down to them or make them feel like they
are a lesser being. All I ask is for the same in return.
I expect my children to do chores. This is not for my
benefit. It is for theirs. I can come home and cook and clean all day long and
it’s never a problem. I teach my children how to live through daily lives. They
can clean, they can do their own laundry, they can mow grass and they are
learning to cook. These are the tools they need in order to lead their own
lives outside of my home. They will never have to depend on another man or
woman to provide for them nor take care of them. They will be self sufficient adults.
This is to be expected from any other people once they leave home and live on
their own. They have to understand the value of money, what it means to live
within a budget and save what they can. They have to understand what it means
to *work* for a living in order to have all they need as well as what they
might want. They have to learn how to value their material items and not take
these things for granted.
Please do not misunderstand; I am not saying that Trevor and
Savanna are bad children. They are not. They don’t understand and are very
misguided. They live by how they are taught and that is all they know. It
breaks my heart when I hear some of the stories they tell me and I feel as
though it could have been prevented. Since Matt & I have met, you have
moved at least six different times, if not more. That is not the stability they
need in life. When they come here, they tell me what a nice home we have and
how they wish they could have the things we have. Yet, they are not willing to
work in order to get them. They expect us to give them everything that Nate and
McKenzie have and that just isn't going to happen unless they are willing to
work and earn it. Doing chores around the house is a very small task in
comparison to what my kids have in return. If they want to keep it, they simply
have to follow the rules. Keep your rooms clean, do dishes when asked, keep
your own bathroom clean and do your laundry on your assigned day. I will always treat Trevor and Savanna just
as I treat my own children; no more, no less.
I have the same expectations from them as I do from my own children.
Children do not ask to be brought into this world. They
deserve a fair shot at life. I believe it is our goal in life to give that to
them, which means putting aside our own selfish desires to give them all they
need. Not want, but need. I repeatedly tell my children my #1 philosophy
in this house: You give me what I want;
I will give you all that you want. I have held them to this standard and will
continue to do so. I expect nothing less than B’s on their report cards. Both
Nate and McKenzie are National Beta Club members, which is an honor society for
excellence in education. They do community service work as well as maintain
their good grades in order to be a part of this organization and they do so
with pride. They both play soccer during the Spring and Fall. Nate has been in
marching band since he was in 6th grade; he is now in 10th.
He is trying out to become Drum Captain for his band. He wants to earn
scholarships for college and has already decided what he wants to aspire to in
life. He is working hard towards his goals. As long as he continues on this
path, there is nothing in this world I will not give him. Once he makes the
decision to no longer maintain these goals, he will not be rewarded. While you
may think it’s too much, it is really quite simple. It gives them a sense of
pride to know that they worked hard through determination and perseverance
therefore they value what is given to them because they earned it.
This is not to brag about my children. I was 17 when I had
Nate. I knew nothing about raising a kid. What I knew was this: They always
needed to know they are loved, needed and wanted. I never had this as a child
growing up which is why I left home when I was 16. It was my own personal
mission in life for my kids to never, ever feel the way my own parents made me
feel; unwanted. It’s the worst feeling in the world, especially when you don’t
know what you've done wrong. I wanted my kids to have a better life than I had.
My life has not always been a bed of roses and I won’t deny that I went through
some extremely rough moments but I never wanted my kids to suffer for my
downfalls or mistakes. I've always tried
my best to do right by them. It’s not perfect by any means and every day I’m
learning something new. Sometimes I’m wrong and I have no problem humbling
myself and telling my kids I’m sorry when I've made a mistake. This is part of
the process.
Trevor and Savanna are amazing kids. They are sweet and very
smart and I love them as though they were my own. They just need a better
chance in life and it’s my personal opinion they are not getting that. But it’s
just my opinion. My opinion is purely based off observations from day to day
life when they are here and only by what they tell us. My intent is not to hurt
your feelings or tell you that I’m a better parent than you. I will never say
I’m a better parent than anyone; I've made far too many mistakes and I know
better. Do not get the impress that I
only treat my kids well or that I would not be willing to do the same for
Trevor and Savanna. That is not the case at all.
Comments
Post a Comment