I think I fell in love with my husband at least ten times yesterday. Maybe eleven.
I know without a doubt in my mind who I can count on in my life.
I saw a side of my son that I'd never seen before.
I cried at least four times on my hiking trip yesterday.
God answers prayers no matter where you are or what your circumstance.
I had no idea what I was capable of or how far I could be pushed until yesterday.
These are just a few things I learned about myself and about those in my life. What started out as a simple hike through the woods turned into a trek through the mountains that seriously had me questioning and doubting myself as a woman.
This picture. It was an expression of pain, relief, pride and shame.
I have been hiking many times throughout my life. Taking a simple hike, 3-4 miles through nature is easy. I can do that any day of the week. So when my sister offered to take us hiking to The Walls of Jericho, of course I said yes. I truly had no idea what we were in for and neither did anyone else. It was gruesome. It was painful. At some points, it was even scary. It ended up being a hike through the mountains. We were not prepared for that in so many ways. We ate breakfast somewhere around 8:30am. We had a few cups of coffee and said, "hey, let's get going". It was an hour drive. The closer we got to the hike, the higher up in the mountains we got. If memory serves, I believe someone said from the top of the trail to the bottom where the waterfalls were, it was 1000 feet. Rocks upon rocks and tree as far as you could see.
It started out a beautiful journey. It was peaceful, calm and it was a perfect environment to spend some time with God. About an hour in, it started to get rough. The beginning was mostly downhill. I kept telling myself the climb up will be easier because I won't feel like I'm constantly slipping. I ate those words later. We continued on until we got to a point were we had to climb through some pretty gnarly rocks. At that point, we realized we'd gotten in way over our heads. Or at least I did. I could not go any further and I was starting to get scared. I began to realize that even if we did reach the bottom and begin to recover, we still had to turn around and go back. By this point, we had been going on for about two hours or so. We were getting low on water and we had no food. When I don't eat, my blood sugar drops and I knew mine was starting to. So, I wimped out and told the rest I needed to go back. From this point, everything changed.
I put my body through pure hell. I was angry at myself and even embarrassed. I was so horribly out of shape that I began to doubt if I was even be able to make it back up this mountain. This isn't being overly dramatic. I was really, down in my soul terrified. My brother, Neil and Matt found two shortcuts to get back up faster but they were intensely brutal and steep. I did all I could to encourage my kids to get them up these hills. McKenzie made me so proud! Nate was a pro. He even started coming back down the second hill to come back and get me. He only went a few steps before I told him to stop. I was gonna do this. I did and it hurt like hell. I sat at the top of that hill and lost it, just crying. I was so angry and frustrated and full of shame.
As we continued on, I had to make too many stops to recover. The guys decided the rest would push ahead and keep going and Matt would stay behind with me while I made it slowly up the side of this mountain. So they kept on and bless my husband...he stayed with me every step of the way. I finally got to a point where I just said no. I cannot go any further. I had no energy, my head was pounding, my heart rate was through the roof and I had zero strength. I started crying again and praying. As I sat on this rock, three older women were trekking along. We made some small talk and one woman asked if I was okay. I told her no. I was ill prepared for this hiking trip, I didn't eat before hand and my blood sugar had probably bottomed out. It turns out, she was a nurse and in her pockets she carried Gu. God had answered my prayers and I believe that nurse was my saving grace. After I downed that and some water, I finally found the energy and semi-strength to push on.
During this time, Matt and I had talked. We talked about God, we talked to God and we took this opportunity to thank God. We observed our surroundings, admired the beauty in the experience and still kept pushing on. It was extremely hard. We talked in depth about many things. A lot of things came to light on this journey. I found out who I am and what I am capable of.
The first reality was that we had no business making this hike. We were ill prepared and had never done anything like this before. The second is how out of shape I am. That is something I am prepared to correct. The third is how wonderfully blessed I am to have my husband, my children and my best friends. They never gave up on me. They encouraged and pushed me. At the end, they all told me how proud they were of me and how happy they were that I had made it. Because for a very brief moment, I honestly did not think I would.
Matt never left my side for a moment. He literally pushed me (a few times) up that mountain and at one point was prepared to carry me, if it became necessary. He saved my life. This isn't the first time and I know it won't be the last. I have never doubted for one single second that he didn't love me. He shows me every day. My son came back for me quite a few times, with water, and with encouragement. I saw a side of him I'd never seen. One of compassion, love and genuine concern. My friends, the ones I call my family: Neil and Christina. They made the rest of the hike with our kids and made it back to the vehicles. Neil hauled ass to the closest store and brought back snacks and Gatorades. He even came back down the trail to find us. Thank God we were close. I will always know who I can count on in my life, no matter what happens.
It was a beautiful, yet terrifying experience to endure. One I hope I will never have to experience again.
I know without a doubt in my mind who I can count on in my life.
I saw a side of my son that I'd never seen before.
I cried at least four times on my hiking trip yesterday.
God answers prayers no matter where you are or what your circumstance.
I had no idea what I was capable of or how far I could be pushed until yesterday.
These are just a few things I learned about myself and about those in my life. What started out as a simple hike through the woods turned into a trek through the mountains that seriously had me questioning and doubting myself as a woman.
I have been hiking many times throughout my life. Taking a simple hike, 3-4 miles through nature is easy. I can do that any day of the week. So when my sister offered to take us hiking to The Walls of Jericho, of course I said yes. I truly had no idea what we were in for and neither did anyone else. It was gruesome. It was painful. At some points, it was even scary. It ended up being a hike through the mountains. We were not prepared for that in so many ways. We ate breakfast somewhere around 8:30am. We had a few cups of coffee and said, "hey, let's get going". It was an hour drive. The closer we got to the hike, the higher up in the mountains we got. If memory serves, I believe someone said from the top of the trail to the bottom where the waterfalls were, it was 1000 feet. Rocks upon rocks and tree as far as you could see.
It started out a beautiful journey. It was peaceful, calm and it was a perfect environment to spend some time with God. About an hour in, it started to get rough. The beginning was mostly downhill. I kept telling myself the climb up will be easier because I won't feel like I'm constantly slipping. I ate those words later. We continued on until we got to a point were we had to climb through some pretty gnarly rocks. At that point, we realized we'd gotten in way over our heads. Or at least I did. I could not go any further and I was starting to get scared. I began to realize that even if we did reach the bottom and begin to recover, we still had to turn around and go back. By this point, we had been going on for about two hours or so. We were getting low on water and we had no food. When I don't eat, my blood sugar drops and I knew mine was starting to. So, I wimped out and told the rest I needed to go back. From this point, everything changed.
I put my body through pure hell. I was angry at myself and even embarrassed. I was so horribly out of shape that I began to doubt if I was even be able to make it back up this mountain. This isn't being overly dramatic. I was really, down in my soul terrified. My brother, Neil and Matt found two shortcuts to get back up faster but they were intensely brutal and steep. I did all I could to encourage my kids to get them up these hills. McKenzie made me so proud! Nate was a pro. He even started coming back down the second hill to come back and get me. He only went a few steps before I told him to stop. I was gonna do this. I did and it hurt like hell. I sat at the top of that hill and lost it, just crying. I was so angry and frustrated and full of shame.
As we continued on, I had to make too many stops to recover. The guys decided the rest would push ahead and keep going and Matt would stay behind with me while I made it slowly up the side of this mountain. So they kept on and bless my husband...he stayed with me every step of the way. I finally got to a point where I just said no. I cannot go any further. I had no energy, my head was pounding, my heart rate was through the roof and I had zero strength. I started crying again and praying. As I sat on this rock, three older women were trekking along. We made some small talk and one woman asked if I was okay. I told her no. I was ill prepared for this hiking trip, I didn't eat before hand and my blood sugar had probably bottomed out. It turns out, she was a nurse and in her pockets she carried Gu. God had answered my prayers and I believe that nurse was my saving grace. After I downed that and some water, I finally found the energy and semi-strength to push on.
During this time, Matt and I had talked. We talked about God, we talked to God and we took this opportunity to thank God. We observed our surroundings, admired the beauty in the experience and still kept pushing on. It was extremely hard. We talked in depth about many things. A lot of things came to light on this journey. I found out who I am and what I am capable of.
The first reality was that we had no business making this hike. We were ill prepared and had never done anything like this before. The second is how out of shape I am. That is something I am prepared to correct. The third is how wonderfully blessed I am to have my husband, my children and my best friends. They never gave up on me. They encouraged and pushed me. At the end, they all told me how proud they were of me and how happy they were that I had made it. Because for a very brief moment, I honestly did not think I would.
Matt never left my side for a moment. He literally pushed me (a few times) up that mountain and at one point was prepared to carry me, if it became necessary. He saved my life. This isn't the first time and I know it won't be the last. I have never doubted for one single second that he didn't love me. He shows me every day. My son came back for me quite a few times, with water, and with encouragement. I saw a side of him I'd never seen. One of compassion, love and genuine concern. My friends, the ones I call my family: Neil and Christina. They made the rest of the hike with our kids and made it back to the vehicles. Neil hauled ass to the closest store and brought back snacks and Gatorades. He even came back down the trail to find us. Thank God we were close. I will always know who I can count on in my life, no matter what happens.
It was a beautiful, yet terrifying experience to endure. One I hope I will never have to experience again.
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