If You Only Knew

Look closely. What do you see? That smile reads pure joy. Love. Loyalty. Passion. How can you not see anything but happiness here? But it goes deeper than that. What you don’t see is what I see when I look in his eyes. More love than any one heart can possibly hold. His tenderness, his compassion, his overwhelming sense of protection, his joy, his encouragement and most of all…his undying faithfulness. This enormous, overwhelming feeling totally engulfs me as I type this and I can’t even think of a word to describe it. Love. But yet, it still doesn’t feel like the right word. Like, this word is too small to describe the feeling. It far exceeds any emotion I’ve ever experienced. Remember that feeling you got when you gave birth to your first child? This comes pretty damn close to it.

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. There's been a lot of changes in the last few months. I saw this quote today and it put a lot in perspective: Change. You either love it or you hate it, but either way its coming. Your best bet is to grin and bear it, and pray that when its done tossing you around that you find yourself surrounded by those that you love. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a fan of change. At. All. I'll fight it with everything in me. I'm a very routine person. I like schedules and time and all that responsible stuff. I like doing things my way because it works well for me. I know how its done, when it's done and so forth. I got divorced in January 2010. This, next to having children, has been the biggest change in my life by far. I almost didn't know how to function. I had accepted my life as it was and figured it would always be that way. It was "normal" and routine for me. It's almost bittersweet... Fe