If You Only Knew

I enjoy the holidays. Not because of the gifts but because I always associate it with family time. I've spend many Christmases and Thanksgivings in Illinois with my grandparents. It's what I loved most and memories I cherish deeply. The first Thanksgiving Matt and I spent together, I took him to meet my family up North. They grew to love and accept him immediately and that was very important to me. I knew he'd met their approval. Holidays get harder because of the distance and I can't always make it up there to see them. What's hardest is that I have family right here and I can't see them. I always wonder if I'll run into them at the store or see them in passing; how would they respond or would they even acknowledge me. Many times I've heard the phrase "you are not my daughter" and it just rips my heart out over and over again. Yet somehow, each time I allow them back into my life, I can forgive and forget those horrid words. My heart is a f

It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion…you know its coming and you know that unless you are Superman, there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. That’s how I felt yesterday when the ex shared the news of his upcoming nuptials as well as the new addition to his family. First, let me say that what he does with his life is not my concern and I could care less. Congrats. But when it comes to my children…that’s entirely different. Nate’s reaction didn't surprise me. It usually doesn't  He’s so laid back and at times, care free. He was just indifferent. McKenzie …she hasn't spoken to or seen him for a better part of a month or so. Some issues happened and she just decided she’d had enough. Or at least that’s what I could gather. So when he shared his news with her all that changed. I’m not gonna deny it, I will pretty upset. Mainly because I saw a flash forward of how badly this would all turn out. A new baby? Yeah…we all know how that’s gonna go. Of course,