If You Only Knew

My parents have been on my mind a lot. It happens often during the holidays. Thanksgiving is my dad's favorite holiday. This was his chance to shine in the kitchen! He would spend hours smoking the perfect turkey and making everything from scratch. There is no one is the tri-county area that could make a turkey like my dad! As I got older, the tradition was that I'd bring my dad a homemade cherry cheesecake. It was one of his favorites. I miss that more than anything. Family. That is what is most important to me during the holidays. I was visiting with a friend this weekend and she was telling me about their tradition for Thanksgiving. She's from the Red Bay area; that is where she grew up and went to high school. She told me Thanksgiving was like a family reunion. They even sent out invitations. They had a huge gathering of brothers, sisters, cousins, you name it. This is the time they would spend laughing, sharing and reconnecting. Holidays have a way of bringing us clo

This has been one very emotional week. It is not even hormonal either! It is a lot of gratitude and reality bum rushing me all at once. First let me say, I have an amazing family. Despite the absence of my parents, my uncles, aunts, grandparents and cousins have been overwhelmingly supportive and loving. They all live quite a distance from me yet they still manage to keep up with my life and show their support and give encouragement to keep me motivated. Uncle Brian, Aunt Chrissy, Uncle David and Emily-thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and for believing in me. My friends-I cannot say enough about them. They push and push, keeping me on course with my goals and dreams. Bailey, Christina, Holly, Stephanie-these four in particular popped into my head. We all have something in common in some way, shape or form that gives us a bond. We have all been through similar situations at some point in our lives. It is those moments when you think there is no one else in this

I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I get that and I am okay with that. I don't have a lot of friends. I've learned over the years it is about quality and not quantity. I have found lately that I don't have the best quality of friends either. Maybe my standards are too high. Or maybe they aren't high enough. It is easy to pretend like you don't care. I do it all the time but inside I am screaming like a mad woman about a million different things. I also realize I've become very bitter. My past still lingers and it terrorizes me something fierce. 99% of you have no idea what my "past" is and if I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. Doesn't matter. It still happened and I know it has changed who I am. I don't hold grudges but I have a hard time letting go when I need to. I'm not a shrink so I don't know why. I am going through an abnormal amount of stress in my life right now. I work full time, I've been in co