If You Only Knew

The true reality of my divorce hit me this morning when I looked up at the phone and saw today's date. Tomorrow would have been the 12th anniversary of my marriage. While I have no regrets in my decision, it's still a tough pill to swallow... I've known my ex since I was 14 years old. That's a long time. Some days, I still feel like I failed somewhere. I'd like to believe that I gave 100% but honestly, I can't say I did. Some things just aren't meant to be. I won't say that I regret all those years we were together. A lot of good came from that relationship. Most importantly, my two amazing kids. While there were many struggles, tears and broken hearts, I learned a lot. I found out who I was along the way and how much strength I truly had. And I found God. Many, many time, I believed my prayers fell on deaf ears but now looking back, I see why everything happened the way it did. Could I have done things differently? Sure. Would I have? Maybe. Does it mat

My first blog when I started this was about "finding me". Matt asked me yesterday if I'd found "me" yet and it made me think... In January, I got divorced and almost a year later, I still believe it's the best decision I've made. And the smartest. While I've still had some struggles with it in between, I have no regrets. A month later, that perfect man walked into my life. Perfect. Every single thing about him is perfect, all the way down to his snores at night. He makes me feel invincible. I could conquer the world with him by my side. Some times, its a bit overwhelming. I've never experienced these emotions before. I feel like my heart will explode in my chest. I could cry rivers of joy. But then I sit still, staring out at the stars off my front porch and this blanket of peace covers me completely. Nothing like it in this world. I've spent 31 years living in fear over one thing or another. Today, I'm proud to say, I no longer live that