If You Only Knew

I was that girl who wore make up every single day. Heck, sometimes I slept in it. I didn't leave the house most days without something on my face. I've been that way for years. A little over a year ago, something changed. I stopped. I stopped caring about wearing make up. I stopped caring about fixing my hair. In fact, as many have seen, I damn near chopped it all off. I stopped caring about a lot of things that had to do with me, including my weight and health. No, I do not have a death wish. I am not suicidal. I don't even think I am depressed, but doctors say I am, although I am not sure why. I honestly don't know why I stopped taking care of myself. Even now, I only do it because I realize I have a family who needs me to be healthy. With everything I have been through in the last six months, healthwise, I still do not wear make up and I still cannot find the energy or the motivation to get on a treadmill for 10-15 minutes a day. I know I should. I KNOW THIS. I do

My alarm went off at 5:05am as usual on a work day. Usually I am foggy eyed trying to wake up and move about, but not this morning. Something was different about this morning.  I turned off my alarm and laid there for a bit, taking in the peace moving through the house. My kitty was lying next to me, purring softly as she began waking up as well. She snuggled with me for a bit, stretching and purring. She’s usually up with me and does her morning routine of moving about the house with me while I get coffee and feed her.  She pounces a couple laps through the house while I am getting ready, letting me know she’s well rested and ready for the day. It is usually the only time she’s not bothered by the dog and can roam freely without being followed. I got ready for work as usual but my ride to work was different this morning. As I stepped out on my front porch, the weather and sunshine took me to a good place. On my drive, I spent a lot of time reflecting on motherhood and all the goo