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12/22/2010

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The true reality of my divorce hit me this morning when I looked up at the phone and saw today's date. Tomorrow would have been the 12th anniversary of my marriage. While I have no regrets in my decision, it's still a tough pill to swallow...

I've known my ex since I was 14 years old. That's a long time. Some days, I still feel like I failed somewhere. I'd like to believe that I gave 100% but honestly, I can't say I did. Some things just aren't meant to be. I won't say that I regret all those years we were together. A lot of good came from that relationship. Most importantly, my two amazing kids. While there were many struggles, tears and broken hearts, I learned a lot. I found out who I was along the way and how much strength I truly had. And I found God. Many, many time, I believed my prayers fell on deaf ears but now looking back, I see why everything happened the way it did. Could I have done things differently? Sure. Would I have? Maybe. Does it matter? Nope. Everything happens for a reason...

I used to say that I felt as though I'd wasted 13 years of my life but truthfully, I did not. I have a lot of good memories and for the sake of my kids, I'll hold those memories close. I wish things were different though. I had hopes that as adults, we would have been able to walk away from this peacefully but unfortunately, it just hasn't worked out that way. Sure, divorce isn't supposed to be happy but maybe I set my hopes a little too high in this case. Now, I just pray for civility.

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