Skip to main content

Does it get easier?

Image
By
I never knew I could miss someone so much.

And it's not the big things I miss. It's the little things. Like laying in bed on Sunday morning, wrapped up in each other, listening to each other breath; sitting on the front porch, listening to birds chirp and taking in every single second; curled up on the bed watching movies together and folding laundry. Or even listening to music together, talking about the songs we like.

My heart aches. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I go through the motions each day, trying to keep my mind occupied so that I don't think about it much. I try to tell myself that he's just at work and he'll be home. But when I walk in that door at the end of the day, it hits me hard...he's not coming home tonight.

I don't do countdowns. It makes it even harder. It seems to drag out even longer if I try to count how many days til he comes home. And the weekends are harder because my kids are gone so I'm home alone. That is the worst. The silence drives me crazy so I keep the music playing in the house so it doesn't feel so empty.

I know that I will get through this. I have to, for him. I know this in my mind but my heart still feels that emptiness. I wonder if it ever gets any easier.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

something dependable

By
Some days it's just not enough to say I love you. I love my friends and family. I try hard to be good to those I love and cherish because its what God asks me to do. I've always tried my best to be a good friend but some days, I think I suck at it. Some days it's hard. It takes alot out of me to be there for someone else when I'm struggling just as much as they are but most days, no one ever knows it. They don't know what it does to me, knowing my 13 year marriage failed. They don't know what it's like raising two kids alone, especially when one is a teenager. They don't know what it's like to struggle to raise a family on a single income, not knowing where the next meal might come from. No one knows the inner turmoil I battle on a daily basis and that the only one I have to turn to...is myself. And God. I smile on the inside but there are days I wanna cry for hours but I can't. I like being the one people depend on, but who do I have to depend o...
1 comment
Read more

a real love story

By
I am going to tell you a story. It is a story of love, surrender and peace. There is a hero in the end. But there usually is, right? Right. Four years ago, I met this guy through a friend. I wasn't looking for love at all. Just a companion, a friend, someone to share with. After 13 years in hell, who really wants to look for love again? Not this girl. So this guy, he was pretty nice. A gentleman. You don't come across too many these days. We became friends, talking every day, having lunch and what not. As the days passed, I found myself falling in love. I was scared. Neither of us wanted to get married again and we certainly weren't looking for anything long term. But as the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes, God has better plans for us. I remember the day I told him I was in love with him. It is still fresh in my mind. It was night time and we were standing on the front porch having a cigarette. I debated on whether I should tell him or not. ...
3 comments
Read more

what's my why?

By
This post came courtesy of a blog that I've been following for the last few weeks. This man is phenomenal when it comes to life lessons. No lie. I have oodles of respect for him. I'm going to back track for a moment. I was 17. I had no clue what it meant to raise another human being. Hell, I hadn't even given any thought to whether I wanted to have kids when I grew up. But at this point in life, I really didn't have any choice. Here I was, staring down at this beautiful, scary nine pound baby boy and I was terrified that I'd somehow ruin his life. From there, I proceeded into a miserable, horrifying marriage that turned me into someone I did not want to be. I had all the excuses in the world to stay but I lived in too much fear to leave. After 13 years, I found My Brave. (Thanks DDW..he found his Happy.) Fast forward to age 29. Divorced, free and still unhappy. Why? Because at this point in my life, I had no idea where I was going, how I was planning to get the...
1 comment
Read more