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something dependable

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Some days it's just not enough to say I love you.

I love my friends and family. I try hard to be good to those I love and cherish because its what God asks me to do. I've always tried my best to be a good friend but some days, I think I suck at it.

Some days it's hard. It takes alot out of me to be there for someone else when I'm struggling just as much as they are but most days, no one ever knows it. They don't know what it does to me, knowing my 13 year marriage failed. They don't know what it's like raising two kids alone, especially when one is a teenager. They don't know what it's like to struggle to raise a family on a single income, not knowing where the next meal might come from. No one knows the inner turmoil I battle on a daily basis and that the only one I have to turn to...is myself. And God. I smile on the inside but there are days I wanna cry for hours but I can't.

I like being the one people depend on, but who do I have to depend on? Who was my shoulder when my world fell apart? I had no one to hold me when I cried myself to sleep at night and laid in bed all day long. Sure, I have friends who I can talk to, but do they really understand? Do they know? We all suffer at some point but everyone's pain is different.

I've learned in the last 13 years that I can depend on no one but God. Despite all my suffering, pain and anger, God has never failed me. He's lead me right where I need to be and I praise Him every day for it. I can depend on myself because if I fail, I have no one to blame but myself. Putting your faith and trust in flesh will let you down every time but God puts people in our lives to show us His love and mercy. I can depend on my children because they give me the same love as God does. Undying and unconditional. How many people can say that for the people they have in their lives? That no matter what mistakes are made, what wrongs have been righted or what hearts have been broken...there will be no strings attached to their love and devotion? It's hard to find...
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  1. KristenApril 7, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    Hi! I was just searching for fellow bloggers in Prattville and came across your blog. I'm letting people in the area know that I will be having a giveaway on my blog in the next couple of weeks. So check back and you can enter to win!

    ReplyDelete

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