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every day

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Sitting in the parking lot of Hardee's today, I turned my radio off and just looked around. I watched the numerous cars as they passed by. I watched clouds roll in from the rain. I just stared off, thinking about this place that I call home. It has been my home for the better part of 20 years. It brings me comfort and peace. I feel safe here. Growing up as a military kid, I never knew what home was.

I hold on to that sense of safety and security but not naive to the fact that we do not live in a perfect world. Violence can be seen in the news daily; so much so that I grow tired of watching. It's depressing. This morning was no different. Senseless killing of innocent people has been happening in our world for generations. Why is it only recently that more and more people take notice? Because it's hitting way too close to home and people are beginning to realize that life is precious and cannot be taken for granted. Sadly, most people figure that out when it's too late.

There is no moral or just reason as to why last night's shooting occurred. No, God is not punishing us and some things just aren't meant to be understood by the human mind. If I ever come to the point where I can understand the reasoning of a mad man, just shoot me on the spot. I used to believe that everything happened for a reason or purpose...but now I'm not sure what I believe. The last few years have given me very little faith in humanity.

We take too much for granted. When I married a soldier, my outlook on life changed drastically because I knew he was being deployed a short time after we met. I spent a year doing everything and anything I could to make memories for us so that we'd have something strong to hold onto until he returned. So why is it when tragedy strikes, we suddenly decide we need to hold our loved ones closer? Should we not be doing that everyday? Matt and I made the agreement long ago that we'd never go to bed angry and I always say I love you before I hang up the phone. So even after he came home, I carried on just as though he were leaving again. I need those memories some days. But more than anything, I don't want to live life with regrets of "what if". I don't want to look back wondering if I should have said or did something. One more hug. One more kiss...

It is sad. It is all sad. Thinking back 20 years ago, we just didn't worry about these things. What changed our world so much? In our own little happy world, we try to find a sense of peace and security. Remember to say I love you every day. Give one more hug...one more kiss. Every day.

To quote a blog I read earlier- "God didn't do this. Man did. Don't get the two confused."

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