Skip to main content

happy

Image
By

I'm happy. I'm happy with my life, with most of the people who choose to be apart of it and everything else in general. But I'm not happy with me and I haven't been for quite awhile.

Talking to Matt last night, I told him I just felt disgusting. While he was deployed, I lost 60 pounds. It took a lot of hard work, life changes and lots of determination. It's the most I'd ever lost at one time. Since January, I've gained almost 25 of that back and I'm disappointed in myself. Somehow I lost the motivation to keep going to get to my ultimate goal. In talking with him, I also told him that I needed to stop downing myself so much or people wouldn't want to be around me anymore. Let's face it-do you really want to hang around someone who is so negative about themselves? Not really. I know I don't. No one wants to keep hearing you say "I'm fat". Well, then I say- do something about it.

I hear comments and compliments all the time. While I appreciate them, it's very difficult to accept them. I want to be happy with ME. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror with a smile and feel that I am worthy of those compliments. I'm almost 33 years old and some days, I can't stand to be in my own skin. I want need to love me. I want to quit obsessing over my body and my weight and focus on this amazing life that I've been given; my second chance.

So I'm starting over again. From the beginning. The one advantage I have this time is I don't have so far to go in order to reach my ultimate goal. Whatever I have to do, I'm going to get there and stay there. And be happy with me.

:)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

every day

By
Sitting in the parking lot of Hardee's today, I turned my radio off and just looked around. I watched the numerous cars as they passed by. I watched clouds roll in from the rain. I just stared off, thinking about this place that I call home. It has been my home for the better part of 20 years. It brings me comfort and peace. I feel safe here. Growing up as a military kid, I never knew what home was. I hold on to that sense of safety and security but not naive to the fact that we do not live in a perfect world. Violence can be seen in the news daily; so much so that I grow tired of watching. It's depressing. This morning was no different. Senseless killing of innocent people has been happening in our world for generations. Why is it only recently that more and more people take notice? Because it's hitting way too close to home and people are beginning to realize that life is precious and cannot be taken for granted. Sadly, most people figure that out when it's too late...
Post a Comment
Read more

a real love story

By
I am going to tell you a story. It is a story of love, surrender and peace. There is a hero in the end. But there usually is, right? Right. Four years ago, I met this guy through a friend. I wasn't looking for love at all. Just a companion, a friend, someone to share with. After 13 years in hell, who really wants to look for love again? Not this girl. So this guy, he was pretty nice. A gentleman. You don't come across too many these days. We became friends, talking every day, having lunch and what not. As the days passed, I found myself falling in love. I was scared. Neither of us wanted to get married again and we certainly weren't looking for anything long term. But as the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes, God has better plans for us. I remember the day I told him I was in love with him. It is still fresh in my mind. It was night time and we were standing on the front porch having a cigarette. I debated on whether I should tell him or not. ...
3 comments
Read more

my blessing

By
"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3 God blessed me tremendously when He gave me my children. By far, they are the best life has to offer. I cannot imagine life without them and I hope I never have to. Yesterday, my daughter turned 9. All I can think is, "where have the years gone?" I remember her as a tiny baby and now...she's growing up before my own eyes. It won't be long before prom, first dates and all that good stuff. For now, I'll enjoy these young years and take them all in as slowly as I can. This perfect lil angel far exceeds anything I expect from having a child. She's beautiful, smart and so compassionate. Her love for people amazes me. Innocence at it's best. Everyone is her friend. She has a smile that will melt the coldest heart and eyes you could fall into. How did I get so lucky to have someone like her in my life? I never knew I could love so deep. She fills my heart with so much joy, it...
1 comment
Read more