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what now?

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I feel everything tenfold. I was built that way and most times, I simply cannot control it. I've tried for many years. When I love, I love hard and passionately. I give all of me. When I’m angry, the whole world knows. And when I’m sad, I cry a river until I’m dry.

The last two months have brought out an overwhelming amount of emotions; some I cannot even describe. I've doubted myself, I've hated myself but rarely any of it has been joy. My only peace in this chaos has been my husband and my kids. How can someone be so incredibly happy yet so miserable at the same time? I felt like I was torturing myself.

I made the decision to have a family first and then a career. There is no book giving us directions in life. So I finally came to the realization that it was ok to take this course in my journey. It struck me as odd when I saw so many of my friends having babies for the first time, while I was 15 years into raising two children. Yet, they had already established their career choices and were well on their way to that “perfect life”. But who says mine isn't perfect? Who says the choices I made are backwards? Society does. I disagree.

So now, here I sit, struggling with the question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?”

I'll figure it out one day. :)

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