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children don't ask to be brought into this world

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You can't imagine the overwhelming amount of emotions that have surfaced over the last two months. I've felt things I cannot even describe. But above all-Love. This overbearing, protective, fight-for-what-is-yours kinda love. No, they aren't "mine" biologically. But in every other sense of the word, they are mine.

I'll be honest; I had a lot of doubts about this whole custody thing. At first I just didn't think it was a good idea. For my own selfish reasons, I knew it would turn my life upside down. Some times change is difficult for me. Knowing that these two babies were coming from a different world of parenting was, by far the most difficult challenge. They only knew one way of life. Getting them accustom to a new lifestyle was huge, even for me. But if you've ever been in the same room with these kids for more than five minutes...How could you not fight for them?! How could you not want to give them everything life has to offer? Because they deserve that and they are worthy of that kind of life.

"Children don't ask to be brought into this world"...the irony behind this phrase is that these words came from my own mother. She is the very reason I fight with every tear and every sleepless night. I never want my kids to know what it feels like to be unloved and unwanted. I hope they never know that feeling...wondering what you did wrong all your life to be hated so much, constantly questioning and doubt yourself. I hope and pray that they wake up every single morning knowing they are cherished and loved and wanted and above all-needed. Yes, I need them too. I cannot imagine what my life would be like without them. I pray every day that I never have to find out.

There is more to raising kids than just saying "I love you". You have to nurture them, teach them right from wrong; they need disciple, they need guidance, they need life lessons. They need stability. They crave attention and acceptance. And these are just the basics. There is so much more.

I have been blessed with the privilege to help them blossom and discover who they are. To find their place in this world, not just in our family or in our home. I love and cherish every single moment of it. The good and the bad and the ugly.

I believe with every fiber of my being that this is where they belong. I won't stop believing that, no matter what. Everything happens for a reason; we don't always know what that reason is and sometimes we don't always understand it. But know this-someone needs to stand up for those babies. Someone needs to be their voice and it needs to be heard loud and clear. If no one else in this world is courageous enough to do it, trust me-I will. This isn't about me or their dad or anyone else but those kids. If the right decision isn't made then those kids are the ones who lose in the end.


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