the simplicity of my life

I ran this morning, thinking about Matt and our life together. No matter what anyone says, it’s the simple things that you miss the most when your spouse is gone and it’s these memories I cherish every single second he’s away.

I’d hear my alarm go off at 5:15 each morning. I’d hit the snooze button, roll over and throw my arm over him. He’d move just the tiniest bit, acknowledging my gesture. I’d move in a little closer, pressing my body as tightly next to his as I could, sometimes throwing my leg over his. I’d hear him moan softly and push himself against me. He’d inhale deeply as I’d nuzzle my chin into the sweet spot of his neck. His sigh of content always gave me the biggest smile. We’d lay there for about 15 minutes until I’d hear my alarm going off again, signaling me that cuddle time was over. As I moved to shut it off, I’d hear his small groan and I’d giggle. Finally, I’d roll out of bed, heading toward the kitchen to make our coffee. I’d make my rounds to the kids, telling them good morning and giving out hugs. As the coffee was brewing, I’d head back to the bedroom just in time to hear Matt’s alarm go off. Since his played music, he didn’t turn it off. I’d head to the bathroom to start the shower and once again hear him groan. I’d let out a soft chuckle while I headed back into the kitchen to get his coffee. He’s so spoiled and I love it. I’d fix his coffee-two teaspoons of Splenda- and bring it to him bedside as he finally decided to roll out of bed. Running the shower was the quickest way to get him outta bed as he’d say “he could hear him money going down the drain”. He’d kiss me quickly, use the bathroom and then rush off to his shower. I’d crawl back into bed with my own coffee and watch the morning news, sometimes yelling out to the kids to make sure they were getting ready and on time. As I sat in the bed, I would begin to smell his body wash coming from the bathroom. I’d inhale deeply and then sigh. The aroma gave me butterflies. I’d sometimes yell out “I love you” to him while he was in the shower. He’d say it back if he heard me. He’d finish up his shower and go through his daily routine of getting his uniform together, drinking his coffee, and stealing a kiss or three from me. We’d talk about things we had to do that day or maybe discuss what we’d have for dinner. I watched him every morning get ready for work. My heart fluttered every time he put on that uniform. 6:15 am rolled around and it was time for him to head out the door. I’d top off his coffee, kiss him goodbye and rush the kids out the door for school. Then it was time for me to get ready for work. We’d go through our day of calling or texting each other. Sometimes we’d plan to meet for lunch. As the days got closer to his deployment, our lunch date became the norm. Mondays were his off day so he’d come to town to meet me for lunch. Some nights I had school. On nights I didn’t, I’d come home to our kids doing homework at the kitchen table. I was normally in the kitchen getting dinner when he walked in the door at 6:15. Funny…I never noticed until now that he left at 6:15 every morning and came home that evening at the same time. Most days, I’d greet him at the door with a hug and kiss and then follow him into the bedroom. As he began to unwind, I’d slowly unlace his boots. Sometimes he’d fight me and say “you don’t have to do that” but most days, he gave me a simple “I love you” and let me keep going. I’d head back to the kitchen to finish dinner and he’d relax for a bit until the smell of dinner caught his nose. He’d come poke his head around the kitchen, trying to steal a taste or he’d come up behind me and wrap his arms tightly around me. Sometimes we ate dinner in the kitchen together; sometimes we’d sit in the living room and watch a movie but most times, we’d end up in our bedroom to watch a show or something on Netflix. I loved hearing him go on and on about my cooking. Cooking for him; I miss that the most. After dinner, we’d go have a smoke on the porch and then crawl back into bed, tangle ourselves in each other and watch a movie. That was our “thing”...watching movies together. I don’t watch many since he’s left. Our normal bedtime was around 10pm. Every single night, he’d say “come here”, so I’d scoot my back against him; he’d place his right arm under my neck, wrap his other arm around me snuggly and hold me close. This is how I fell asleep. This is how I will fall asleep when he returns.

I can tell you every detail of our life together. As I ran this morning, it was like watching a movie play over and over in my head. Some people don’t remember what they did that morning let alone daily activities that took place six months ago. I can tell you everything about the first day we met, right down to the shoes he was wearing and the color shirt. My mind took snapshots of our life and left a permanent impression on my heart. As cliché as it is, I learned never to take anything about our life for granted. My life is simple and I’m completely content with that.

Oh-the shirt he wore on the day we met was the first shirt he’d bought for himself when he divorced. It was brown and tan. He was wearing a pair of Adidas shelltoes; his favorite shoes. They were white, blue and maize-the colors of his favorite football team. We met 20 months ago.