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I will not give up

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I debated on whether I’d come up for air long enough to even type this but since I am taking Kenzie to soccer practice shortly, I’ll use my time wisely.

I feel like I’ve spent the last hour accomplishing nothing and that bothers me some. Trying to find “techniques” for studying and memorizing and what will work to remember everything I have to remember in no small feat and it’s rather frustrating. Everyone wants to tell me how to study or what works best for them. Considering that I bombed my first test of the semester, I figured what I was doing wasn’t working and that I’d do well to find something that did work and quickly. I’m just not sure what that is but with the advice of a friend, I think I might be able to get there.

I knew Nursing school would be tough. But I really didn’t KNOW. Man. Yeah, I get that it’s supposed to be that way. You want your nurse to know her shit so that when she comes at you with this long needle, you know you are getting exactly what you are supposed to be getting. I’ve been in school for two years now and NOTHING prepared me for this. Not even summer school. For those that don’t know-summer school is 17 weeks of lesson crammed into 8 weeks. It’s not easy by any stretch but somehow I managed well. For nursing school, I get at a MINIMUM, 6-9 chapters crammed into ONE WEEK. Yep. It’s ugly, y’all. It’s a lot of reading and memorizing and reading and more memorizing and you gotta know your stuff because that test was brutal. I mean you HAVE TO KNOW. One word, one phrase can change the entire meaning and if you aren’t careful, you are wrong, wrong and WRONG. Yeah. Just wrong. Oh and then they love to throw in “select all that apply”. And it sounds like it would apply but if you don’t KNOW; all wrong. I’m tired.

I’ve started to second guess myself and have doubts. But because this is something I want badly, I’m willing to do anything and everything I can to pass. I have five weeks to get there. If I haven’t passed in 5 weeks, I’m done. Out of the course and I cannot stomach the thought. I’m trying not to set myself up for failure but it’s kinda scary. So I spend most every waking moment with my head in a book, taking the occasional 5-10 minute break as I’ve read the same sentence three times in a row.

I want this. I really, really, really want this. This is my dream and I fought like hell to get here. I will not give up. Breathe…

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