Skip to main content

it's not a fairytale

You wanna know the great thing about my life? Happiness. Yep. Probably the one thing most people take for granted. Until you grasp the idea that you’ve spent a large majority of your life unhappy. There is not one single circumstance about my life at this very moment that does not make me happy. Sure, we have instances and struggles but those are temporary. That lasts for less than five minutes and then you stop, look around, and realize there is just too much good to be unhappy for any period of time.

Next week, I’ll turn 33. The last three years has by far, been the best. I wasn’t one of those people who faked being SO upset when they turned 30. Nope. I fully embraced it. It meant change. Lots and lots of changes were coming for me and I knew it. It meant I was leaving my past behind and starting over fresh. That’s just what I did. I feel like I was given a second chance at life.

Second chances…not many of us get those. Most don’t fully grasp what that means and how that changes who we are as individuals. And if you are lucky enough, you’ll make the most of every given opportunity. For me, it was walking away from some seriously dark demons. It even meant leaving people behind whom at one point, were important in my life. As heartbreaking as it was, it was for the best. No regrets. The day I signed on the dotted line- to me, felt like I was taking my soul back from the devil. Not a single day goes by, that at any given time, I don’t look up and say “thank you” for the courage and strength it took to completely start my life over again. It was frightening to say the least. In my heart, I knew that had I not made that huge leap, I’d never have gotten that chance again.

Sitting here, I look at my surroundings. The sweetest, most beautiful little girl, napping on the couch; another off with her daddy and brother to celebrate their summer together and my oldest is at band camp. My home, my job, nursing school; I’m grateful. Every single second, I’m grateful. From where I’m sitting…33 is looking pretty damn good.

Screw a fairytale. I have my happy ending.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

courage

My life really only started when I turned 30. Sure, that sounds crazy. But there is a significant difference in “life” and actual living. It is having the courage to walk away from something so painful and so toxic. It is having faith that no matter what foot you step out on, God is going to be in step with you. It is taking that first deep breath, exhaling all the negative and nastiness in your life and going forward, reassuring yourself you will never have to look back. And I didn’t. I have this tattoo on my shoulder. I put it there so I’d see it all the time. It’s a constant reminder to me. It says “courage is fear that has said it’s prayers”. I don’t remember how I came across it but it was not long after my brain surgery. That one quote means everything to me. The course of events that has taken place in my life over the last seven years has been nothing short of a miracle. February 17th is an important day to me and one I will remember like my birthday or my anniversar...

His Legacy

In the summer of 1997, I showed up on his doorstep with a three-month-old baby on my hip. After explaining that this was his grandson, he welcomed us both into his home and our lives forever changed. From that moment, the sun rose and set on his grandson and he could do no wrong in his eyes. As my son grew, it became obvious that he felt the same. Where you saw Andrew, you saw Nathaniel. Andrew was so proud of his sweet boy. He took Nathaniel with him everywhere. To the cow fields, where they would feed the cows together; to church where he grew to love his “Preacherman”, and even on the tractor. McDonald’s was always his favorite trip; he couldn’t live without his chicken nuggets. They were two peas in a pod, as their grandma used to say. That never changed. Andrew always made me feel apart of the family, even when I felt like an outsider. One of the conditions to coming to live with him was that I went back to high school and graduated. He made sure he had a front row seat ...

not broken

"Stop fixing what isn’t broken”…that has resonated in my mind since church service yesterday. I’ve always labeled myself as broken and tattered. That’s how I feel most days. I’m not perfectly put together. I don’t try to be nor do I claim it. In all honesty, I don’t want to be. I’m just me. God made me in HIS image and from what I know, God doesn’t make mistakes. That says a lot when you put it into perspective. I didn’t start having self-esteem issues until my first true heart break. My ex was unfaithful ten months after our wedding. Ten months. Ouch. So, of course I started believing something was wrong with me. It took me 15 years to realize it was not me; it was him. In spite of all that I have been through in this journey called life, I am a good person. I know I have a good heart. I have compassion, mercy and sympathy. These are the best qualities of me and no matter what anyone has ever done to me; I don’t let it make me bitter. But self-esteem issues, I just pray...