If You Only Knew

Busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest. Understatement of the year. And my biggest blessing. It's been almost five months now. Summer flew by and I'm so thankful it did. I'd never wish away my life but I'd be all too happy for the next seven months to disappear by tomorrow morning. While most days are better, I did worry for awhile. My bad days were beginning to outweigh the good. I was very excited when school started, then marching band started and now I'm constantly busy and on the go. It truly is a blessing. It's also been six months since I married my best friend. It seems like yesterday we were just in Vegas saying I do. It made my heart a lil sad when I realized we've spent more time apart as husband and wife, than we have together. I keep telling myself it's only temporary and that he'll be home soon but some times it's just not enough. Night time is still hardest. I've found that I wait until I'm absolutely ...

It's been three months since he left and not a single second goes by that I don't think about him. It's not getting easier but just tolerable. We spent four glorious days together and I cherished every single moment he was in my site. Then he left again and he took my heart with him; he left his behind. I miss him so much. Some days, it's all I can do just to get outta bed. Then some days I can't get out of bed fast enough because he's not in it with me. I keep a pile of clothes in the bed just so something is there...so it's not empty. I hate it. I miss going to sleep in his arms every night. I miss waking up to his beautiful face. I miss every thing about him... My kids are my saving grace. If it weren't for them, I know that I wouldn't be able to get through this. My son is just amazing. He just knows the right moments. I'm so very grateful for the wonderful relationship we have. He heard me in my room crying the other day and ran in there and...

Yesterday, I was accepted into Nursing school at Troy University. Yay me!! For most people, it was just a simple congratulations. Don't get me wrong. I'm ever so grateful for all the well wishes. But you have to understand the history behind it all. I've only shared that with two important people in my life; my husband Matt and my friend, Tonya. It's taken two years and four attempts for me to apply to nursing school. Timing was always wrong, grades weren't what they should be and I was getting discouraged. I had decided if I didn't get it this time, I was going to give up but I knew that attitude would get me no where. I left my job with the State before I knew my application status with Troy. I took a huge leap of faith. See, for as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a nurse. No, really. Even when I was a little girl, I said I'd wanted to be a nurse some day. Now, I know we all have our phases as kids of being doctors and lawyers and fire...

There has never been a worse feeling than waking up at 2am, only to roll over and your husband isn't there. This isn't the first time it's happened but for some reason, last night was different. Normally, it's waking up in the morning after having a dream and then seeing his spot empty. Last night was different because it was almost shocking. It was as if this last month had just been a dream and he was home all along. Sadly, it's reality. I knew when I met Matt that he was going to be deployed. Actually, I knew before I met Matt. One of his co-workers was dating a friend of mine. So when things started to get serious between us, I already knew what I was getting into. Or so I thought anyway. I've grown up in the military all of my life. Both of my parents were retired Air Force, my brother served in the Navy and many of my grandparents, unc les and so forth had served as well. Even my ex-husband served in the Army. And knowing everything that I know about the m...

I met Kym a few years ago through a writing group I had joined. She had just moved here from Texas. The first time we met, we had lunch at Burger King. Later, we were reintroduced through a job I had taken with the Montgomery Advertiser. Since then, we've become pretty close. Whether she knows it or not, Kym is a huge inspiration and role model. She has become one of my closest friends and also my biggest encourager; next to my husband, of course. Her strength and encouragement has made me strive to be a better, healthier woman. I gained a lot of weight in my previous marriage and I've always had some excuse or another why I didn't need to lose it. I've watch Kym over the last few years and I've seen the obstacles she's overcome. She has made tremendous strides in her life and I look to that for my own strength at times. Seeing her push past everything that has tried to stand in her way only encourages me to push myself harder and harder to become the woman I wa...

I never knew I could miss someone so much. And it's not the big things I miss. It's the little things. Like laying in bed on Sunday morning, wrapped up in each other, listening to each other breath; sitting on the front porch, listening to birds chirp and taking in every single second; curled up on the bed watching movies together and folding laundry. Or even listening to music together, talking about the songs we like. My heart aches. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I go through the motions each day, trying to keep my mind occupied so that I don't think about it much. I try to tell myself that he's just at work and he'll be home. But when I walk in that door at the end of the day, it hits me hard...he's not coming home tonight. I don't do countdowns. It makes it even harder. It seems to drag out even longer if I try to count how many days til he comes home. And the weekends are harder because my kids are gone so I'm home alone. That is the worst. ...

Unforgettable moments Our first date-he stuck his head thru my car window and kissed me-that kiss changed me forever. Getting into the office in the morning to find a voicemail on my work phone from him-perfect day. Him locking the car doors just so he can come around and open my door for me-perfect gentleman. Me cooking in the kitchen and he walks up behind and puts his arms around me and whispers “forever” in my ear-breathtaking. Sitting in a parking lot during a storm, watching the lightening in the sky and listening to a romantic song-perfect moment. Having a bad day and him bringing home a card that makes me laugh until my stomach hurts-unbelievably unselfish. Sitting in a restaurant, just staring at each other and knowing each other thoughts-perfect love. This will last forever. This is the world that I live in now and I promise you, every single day, I thank God for my blessings. Especially him. These are the moments I live for and what I cherish most. I neve...